I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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