She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
