Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
