Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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