Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
