pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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