he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was born a porn star she said
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
