Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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