the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
