he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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