I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
