i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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