i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
