you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
