I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
