There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
