He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
