no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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