ya dads aren't the best wingmen
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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