Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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