just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
