I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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