My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
