Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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