Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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