I think i peed on brittanys purse
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
