There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
