I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
