there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
