What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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