I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I did not marry a roomba.
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