I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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