maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
