I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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