I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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