Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
