we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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