I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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