i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I understand Curling. That high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
