I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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