Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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