I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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