And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
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Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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