I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize