Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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