so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
