Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
