but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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