Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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