I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
