my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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