I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
