Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
