my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
