my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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