I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
