i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
