Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
