Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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