Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
