i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
do nipples grow back?
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