your thong is hanging out like whoa
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
