i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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