So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
