my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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