Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
