Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
