textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
