Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
