ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
