She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
