He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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