I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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