Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
