I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cannot find my penis.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
