If i come over, it means nothing
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
