apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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