Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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