I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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