He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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