We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
