Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
