I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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