I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
