shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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