I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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