I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
